Some Fun For Ash Wednesday
Nothing like thorny theological considerations to get your Lent rolling
CARROLLTON, TX—Cradle of Civilization (GLOB)—What do you do if you have a pig that knows that it is a pig, and knows that it knows that it is a pig?
Most people would never ask this question. My theology professor did.
We all thought it was a joke at first. The professor’s answer—blunt, immediate, and entirely unbothered—was "Baptize it."
And just like that, the joke wasn’t a joke anymore.
Because suddenly, it wasn’t just about a pig. It was confusing. My mind lit up with things I hadn’t thought about in years—ideas that had never seemed connected before, suddenly crashing together. It was about free will. About Gödel’s incompleteness theorem and whether reason itself can be contained. About Penrose and the idea that minds might be non-computational. About the universe as something sacramental—a reality that reflects grace and points beyond itself.
It was all a bit much. It took a while for that part of my brain that just kind of runs in the background to sort it all out. Thankfully, as a 9th Level Adept in The Hermetic Order Of The Ruminantia, I was equal to the task of serious rumination.
The Pig That Thinks About Thinking
Gödel’s incompleteness theorem is one of those brain-breaking truths of mathematics: any sufficiently powerful formal system must contain statements that are true but unprovable within the system. If you try to make the system complete, it collapses into contradictions.
That’s math’s way of saying, “You can’t prove everything from inside the box.”
Now, apply that to the human mind.
If human reasoning were purely mechanical—just neurons firing in deterministic patterns—then it should be a closed system, bound by fixed rules.
But we seem to be able to recognize truths that cannot be formally derived from within the system of our own reasoning.
We can step outside the system and reflect on it.
And so can our pig.
Because the moment a being doesn’t just know something, but knows that it knows, it has entered the realm of self-reference—which is exactly what formal systems struggle with. A computer follows rules; it doesn’t think about thinking. A pig that knows it’s a pig and knows that it knows is doing something a machine cannot do.
And that brings us to the real question: What do you do with that pig?
The Free Will Problem
If self-awareness lets you step outside the system, does that mean you are more than a deterministic machine?
Because if you were purely deterministic, your future thoughts would be predetermined. But could you, from within the system, fully predict them?
The moment you try, the awareness of that prediction becomes part of your cognition, altering its trajectory.
This is the paradox:
A system (you) tries to contain all truths about itself.
But the act of knowing that you know introduces something outside the system.
Meaning your mind is not a closed formal system—it behaves in ways that exceed strict mechanistic determinism.
Penrose argues that minds might be fundamentally non-computational—that consciousness is doing something beyond algorithmic processing. If he’s right, then maybe our ability to recognize paradox, contradiction, and incompleteness isn’t just a side effect of intelligence—it’s a sign that we aren’t machines at all.
And if self-awareness is the distinguishing mark of a rational soul, then the pig—our self-aware, contemplative pig—might be more than just an animal.
So, again: What do you do with that pig?
Does the Pig Have to Ask?
Of course, there’s a theological wrinkle.
In Catholicism, we baptize infants because their parents act on their behalf—just like they don’t hand them a beer bottle and say, “figure it out.” But some Christian traditions insist that baptism must be requested by a rational individual.
Which raises an even stranger question: Does the pig have to ask?
If we require rational consent, then free will is a deciding factor in salvation.
But if a pig is rational enough to recognize its own existence, shouldn’t that be enough?
And if we baptize babies who don’t understand baptism, why not a self-aware pig that may not fully grasp it either?
I don’t have the answers here. The question isn’t just theological—it’s a test of how serious we are about what rationality means. But if knowing that you know is the bar for reason, and if reason signals a rational soul and personhood before God, then we have to consider what that means for baptism.
That pig might be more qualified than most.
Baptize the Pig
When I asked my theology professor what to do with this existentially aware pig, he didn’t miss a beat.
"Baptize it."
Why?
Because if something possesses self-awareness—the ability to recognize its own being—then it has stepped into the realm of rational creatures. And if it has a rational soul, then according to Catholic thought, it is made for God.
It’s a brilliant answer, because it takes what sounds like a joke and lands it in the deepest possible waters—the very question of what makes us more than just biological machines, more than just animals.
Because if knowing that you know is what separates the rational creature from the irrational creature…
…and if a pig crosses that line…
Then we have to ask something else entirely:
Does rationality mean it has a rational soul?
If it does, then that means the pig is not just an animal—it’s something more.
And if it’s something more, is it a person before God? If it is, is it immortal? If it’s immortal, does it need salvation? And if it needs salvation…
Well.
So, baptize it.
After all, if a pig can ask what it means to be a pig, it’s already more self-aware than half the people on Twitter.
Final Thoughts: Truth and the Wooden T
Gödel showed us that no system can prove everything within itself. Truth—with a capital T—exists beyond provability.
A deterministic machine shouldn’t be able to step outside its own system. But if self-awareness lets us do just that, then maybe we aren’t deterministic machines after all.
And if the ultimate question is not just knowing truth but recognizing it as a Person, then the end of self-awareness is not just philosophy, but faith.
Truth, after all, has already aligned itself with someone hanging on a wooden T.
So, if a pig trots up to you and asks to be baptized, well, maybe grab some water, find a priest… save the pig.
THOOTR: A Formal Case Study in Rumination
Frater Bovious is a 9th Level Adept in The Hermetic Order Of The Ruminantia, about which nothing more may be said.
Well, except this: You may consider this article a case study of someone following The Four-Chambered Path to enlightenment.
How’s that, you say?
Some truths come in a flash. Others must be chewed on for years, turned over again and again, examined from every angle, before they finally settle.
And this one?
Significant time passed between that question from my theology professor and this post.
So, consider this a formal case study from The Hermetic Order of the Ruminantia—an exploration of the Four-Chambered Path in action:
Ingest – A single question: What do you do with a self-aware pig?
Ruminate – Ten years of contemplation, turning it over, letting the paradoxes clash.
Digest – Gödel, free will, theology, sacramentality—all finally coming together.
Disseminate – And now, at last, shared with you.
You are welcome.
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