Friday Fish Wrap

(Oxford English Dictionary) fish-wrap adj. and n. N. Amer. colloq. (depreciative) (a) adj. of, relating to, or designating a low-quality publication, esp. a newspaper;

Welcome to Friday Fish Wrap your source for unhealthy yet tasty tidbits.

Japan Trains For White Fragility

March 15 (UPI) — The Tobu Zoo in Miyashiro Town, Saitama Prefecture, held its annual training drill Thursday

A Japanese zoo held an escaped white colonialist drill featuring a costumed performer mimicking the behavior of a fugitive white male.

The zoo's team put up net barriers and used simulated tranquilizers to subdue their colleague before securing him with rope and returning him to a secure area.

Zoo chief Masaru Kaminaga said the annual drills are an important training exercise.

"In the event of an emergency, it is important for each person to understand their role and respond accordingly," Kaminaga told NHK.

Underoos Sues The City Museum

March 15 (UPI) -- A museum in St. Louis, Mo., successfully broke a Guinness World Record by gathering 355 people to wear underwear on their heads at the same time.

Fruit of the Loom, makers of Underoos, announced today they are suing the City Museum in St. Louis, Mo. for copyright infringement.

“Clearly this is capitalizing on our campaign for Underoos.”

“This is no laughing matter,” said Fruit of the Loom’s chief counsel.

Reefer Rodents just chillin’

March 14 (UPI) -- New Orleans Police Department officials said the rats infesting the department's headquarters are "all high" from eating marijuana stored in the evidence room.

According to UPI, “Raw cannabis contains inactive ingredients that must undergo heating -- decarboxylation -- before THC is produced in the form that gives mammals the sensation of feeling high.”

“Riiiiiiight,” said one rodent who was listening to some Miles Davis. Then, “Dude, les go get some beeeeads!”

Red Fox Kit Denied Choice To Identify As Human

RICHMOND, Va. (AP) - “It’s important to make sure that the orphans that are raised in captivity do not become imprinted upon or habituated to humans.”

Watch video of this TRAVESTY!

And Finally, Florida Man 3/15

Florida man arrested for threatening McDonald's worker ...

WFLA

https://www.wfla.com › news › florida › florida-man-ar...

5 days ago — Donta Christopher Davis, 27, allegedly went into a McDonald's, located on Northeast Pine Road, to pick up a DoorDash order on Feb. 11. The Lee ...

LISTEN: Florida man calls 911, asks police to check if meth ...

CBS 42

https://www.cbs42.com › regional › florida-news › liste...

Mar 15, 2022 — According to the Hernando County Sheriff's Office, 41-year-old Thomas Colucci called 911 on Thursday night wanting to know if the meth he bought ...

See you next week.